When James asked me to write the match report for our Bunte Liga match day I had a wide range of emotions. At first I felt some confusion, but eventually James explained that we have a “website” on something called the “internet”, and eventually that emotion passed. Then came fear. Writing for a national audience? Am I ready for this? (No, no I’m not) Then after several weeks of waiting, the guilt started to build up. Surely I can’t put this off any longer. Can I ? No, no I can’t. So here we are.
My recollection of the events is quite murky. Let’s try to piece together the events of……August ? (Date ?) So let’s scroll through the whatsapp group and see what we find. It appears the the events in question took place August 27th. (That would be the 11th of Fructidor in the old French revolutionary calendar.) It also turns out that both FCKP 1 and FCKP 2 played some soccer that day. The weather was “sunny” and “hot”.
Here are some things I remember from that day. FCKP 2 started the day one man down because James was in the bathroom “changing”. The other team exploited this and scored in the first 20 seconds, after Alex tried to nutmeg the striker while being the the last man back. The stupid goalie (me) made it even easier for the striker to score by running out of the goal and leaving an open net. Welcome to FCKP football. We lost that game 2 to 1.
The next game we lost 3 to 0. I can’t remember anything as I was filled with rage. Then FCKP 1 beat FCKP 2 by a score of 1 to 0. We managed to win our last game 1 to 0. Clement and Alex both scored goals (?).
As for FCKP 1….I guess they did pretty well since they were handed a fat trophy at the end of the tournament. I think they won the league or something like that. What else do I remember from that day? FCKP 1 beat FCKP 2 in a battle of rock, paper, scissors, and won the privilege of wearing the yellow shirts.
Anything else? One of the FCKP 1 games lasted about 30 minutes because James was distracting Volkmar. Clement missed a wide open goal from about 1 meter out and managed to almost put the ball on the school roof. James almost scored an amazing own goal (leading the team once again), and Bart (that’s me) allowed a goal through his (my) legs from about 20 meters out. “I can’t believe this guy is trying this weak ass shot from so far out…let me just bend over and pick it up.”
1-2 vs Wartenberger Badboys
0-3 vs Phönix Wartenberg
0-1 vs FCKP I
1-0 vs Halbe Lunge
Goals: Clement, Alex
Players: Bart, James (c), Ross, Jon, Clement, Alex, Eze
Report written by Bart Pyszczek